I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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