Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
