by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
