You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
