i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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