I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
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