can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
