Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I am naked and annoyed.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
