apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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