I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
