Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
