My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
