Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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