think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
