Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
