Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
