so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
