i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
