fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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