I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
one two three fourrrrnication!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
