Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
