Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
