FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
