the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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