Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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