He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
