We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
