I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
