: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I wish you could order shots online.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
