and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
