Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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