thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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