I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
