i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
