totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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