two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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