im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
