She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
