It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
