Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
