I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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