when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
