dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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