i was born a porn star she said
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
