I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
