Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
