you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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