how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
