fuck your aforementioned shoe
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
