Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
