I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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