Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
