I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
