I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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