Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
