But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
