I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
